Purging and Moving Ahead (baby steps, but moving ahead)

 

Like so many of you, I needed an outlet for all the post election feelings.

The feelings continue to run the gamut.

Somewhere in the mix I'm cooking a lot, baking a lot, and eating a lot.

And, without a plan, started tearing up our sunroom.

All the stuff you see in this photo

Has been successfully allocated a new spot - either kept, donated, or thrown away.

And Voilà -

Our beloved sunroom is once again available for living.  Yes, it's cluttered, it has always been and will always be . . . cluttered.  I like pretty things. 😊

See that red and green basket in the floor next to the loom?  That's little hint as to what starts happening out here next . . .

We're not really feeling much in the holiday spirit, truth be told, but dammit, we are gonna make it happen.

Where am I and What am I Doing?

Like so many, I'm just not doing so great right now.

The battle of feeling the need to know what's happening versus maintaining positive mental health is challenging.

Honestly, I'm scared.

Scared that things are going to go completely off the rails once the next administration takes over.

Scared.

I never imagined a time would come when feeling scared would be my new default setting.

And it's pissing me off.

So what AM i doing?

I continue to read articles by smart, knowledgeable people to gain understanding. 

And comfort.

 Understanding is knowledge.  

Sadly, knowledge does not always equate comfort so my search takes me down different paths.

My comfort lane includes writings by Connie Schultz and Anne Lamott.

My knowledge lane includes Heather Cox Richardson and Sherrilyn Ifill, among others.  Many others.

I'm searching out novels for escape, and have stumbled into a few jewels that allowed me a much needed escape.

My non-fiction includes some much-loved old standbys; mostly essays and poetry.

And I've pulled out my art books so I'm able to stroll through Monet's gardens, disappear into Rothko's color fields, and pretend I'm wandering though Paris museums.

I'm baking cakes, making pots of soup and spaghetti sauce.  I'm eating everything within reach.

I'm rearranging furniture like a woman possessed.

I'm throwing old stuff away, wondering "what is this and why is it here?"

Placing boxes of stuff at the top of the stairs to go to the storage building. (Not wearing my hearing aids so I'm unable to hear Donald's grumbles about what the hell . . .).

 

I am, come hell or high water, going to hold tight to my beliefs and values, remembering these words:

“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe.”

― Elie Wiesel

And, dammit, I am fighting to hold onto my dreams.

My heart might be breaking, but I'm going to fight for healing.

Banksy

I am NOT giving in - they are NOT stealing my joy.

I am going to

Remember this!

And try, always, to do this

we are in this together.

Sadly, I'm afraid there are some people out there who are not yet aware of just exactly what they voted for, and what's in store for all of us

Autobiography of Eve by Ansel Elkins

Wearing nothing but snakeskin

boots, I blazed a footpath, the first
radical road out of that old kingdom
toward a new unknown.
When I came to those great flaming gates
of burning gold,
I stood alone in terror at the threshold
between Paradise and Earth.
There I heard a mysterious echo:
my own voice
singing to me from across the forbidden
side. I shook awake—
at once alive in a blaze of green fire.

Let it be known: I did not fall from grace.

I leapt
to freedom.

Cheap Milk and Silent Screams by Heide Brandes

they're dancing in the streets tonight

celebrating someone else's pain

like hyenas drunk on blood and fear

while the milk goes sour in their refrigerators

the television blares about savings at the megamart

and nobody remembers how to grow their own freedom anymore

they revel like gloating goats, shitting

and prancing on expensive things like rights, equality and decency.

I watch them from my window

these proud patriots of conformity

waving their store-bought flags

made in countries where children work sixteen-hour days

"but the milk is cheaper now"

they say, stuffing their faces

with processed dreams

while their neighbors disappear

nobody asks where the musicians went

or why the poets stopped showing up at the café

or how the old man who spoke too loudly

vanished one Tuesday afternoon

they're too busy comparing prices

at three different stores

posting their outrage online

about the people who dare to say they're scared

the fear tastes like metal in my mouth

while they toast with plastic cups

to their own tarnished condescension

their own blessed ignorance

you can hear them laughing

about the "sensitive ones"

who saw it coming

who tried to warn them

but warnings don't matter

when you can buy two gallons for the price of one

and pretend the cameras on every corner

are there to protect you

me, I'm drinking straight whiskey tonight

watching the milk curdle in the moonlight

remembering how freedom felt

before we sold it by the gallon

              - - -  Heide Brandes

A Note From Me to Me - What's Important, Part One

 

I hope I remember to check back here often.

To remind myself of what's important -

to surround myself with beauty.

Art.  Poetry.  Books.  Music.  Flowers.  Paris.

And to hold onto my dreams.

What Next?

I wish I knew.   I have no words of wisdom.  No sage advice.

There are many things to be worried about.

The morning of November 6, I asked Donald "what are we gonna do?"

No shoulder shrugging from this guy.  No head shaking or hand wringing angst.

His response was pure Don Barley.  Quiet and confident.

 "We're going to take it one day at a time - for now.  Then we'll fight for what we need to."

If you're reading the news, your favorite columnists, and social media, there's lots and lots of advice out there. 

Some advice we might consider, some we might dismiss.  But we will continue seeking, until we find, what works for us, individually.

What we choose to do - how we respond to this election - what we, individually, will be capable of doing, will vary.

We must each choose a path right for us, while remembering our paths will differ.  We will not all choose the same path, and we need to accept that.

Me?

Pfft.  Hell.  I wish I knew.

I'm figuring it out, but in the meantime, while trying to wrap my head around all this, I will stumble around like a blind woman vacillating between rage and fear.  Between stunned silence and tears.  Beween quiet tears and ragged sobs.

And I'll try to live my life with my version of self-care.

 Surrounding myself with people and things I love.  

With beauty.  

Art.  Poetry.  Books.  Music.  Flowers.

It's something I have control of, at least for now.  So, for as long as I can, it's what I'll do. 

And.

 I'll cry.  I'll rage.  I'll worry.  

But I will take small steps to move forward.

And I will join others in doing what we can to keep this country a democracy.  It was never on my bingo card to live in a fascist country.  

The Room of Ancient Keys

Grandma once gave me a tip:

During difficult times,
you move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future,
not even what might happen tomorrow.
Wash the dishes.
Take off the dust.
Write a letter.
Make some soup.
Do you see?
You are moving forward step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Get some rest.
Compliment yourself.
Take another step.
Then another one.
You won’t notice, but your steps will grow
bigger and bigger.
And time will come
when you can think about the future
without crying.
Good morning.

              - - -  Elena Mikhalkova

Book Recommendation - Hope in the Dark

If you're a member of Kindle Unlimited, this is available for free.

Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities Kindle Edition

by Rebecca Solnit 

---

“[A] landmark book . . . Solnit illustrates how the uprisings that begin on the streets can upend the status quo and topple authoritarian regimes” (Vice).
 
A book as powerful and influential as Rebecca Solnit’s Men Explain Things to Me, her Hope in the Dark was written to counter the despair of activists at a moment when they were focused on their losses and had turned their back to the victories behind them—and the unimaginable changes soon to come. In it, she makes a radical case for hope as a commitment to act in a world whose future remains uncertain and unknowable.
 
Drawing on her decades of activism and a wide reading of environmental, cultural, and political history, Solnit argues that radicals have a long, neglected history of transformative victories, that the positive consequences of our acts are not always immediately seen, directly knowable, or even measurable, and that pessimism and despair rest on an unwarranted confidence about what is going to happen next. Now, with a moving new introduction explaining how the book came about and a new afterword that helps teach us how to hope and act in our unnerving world, she brings a new illumination to the darkness of our times in an unforgettable new edition of this classic book.
 
“One of the best books of the 21st century.” —The Guardian
 
“No writer has better understood the mix of fear and possibility, peril and exuberance that’s marked this new millennium.” —Bill McKibben, New York Times–bestselling author of Falter
 
“An elegant reminder that activist victories are easily forgotten, and that they often come in extremely unexpected, roundabout ways.” —The New Yorker

😢

From The Bitter Southerner

As Election Day Looms

 

Honestly.

I'm just not doing all that well.

Vicki Lane posted this at her blog and it spoke to me  -

May you grow still enough to hear the small noises earth makes in preparing for the long sleep of winter, so that you yourself may grow calm and grounded deep within.

                                                             Br. David Steindl-Rast

I am feeling far from calm, and am seeking ways in which to feel grounded.

I'm feeling more like this normally very strong woman today -

(Trying to find the name of the artist - please let me know)

Truth be told, even having not smoked since 2008 I am craving, for the first time, a Virginia Slims cigarette 22 miles long.  Instead of caving into the craving, I'm spending a lot of time sporadically and enthusiastically shouting Fuck Donald Trump.

So.  Until my favorite football team plays this evening, I'm busying myself about the house making a pot of spaghetti.

And because I believe in self-care, I'm settling in with flowers, candy, coffee, and books.

Take care of yourselves, my friends.

And if you haven't already - Go Vote!  

And Vote Blue!

A Christmas Wish

 

Donald helped me bring in a few Christmas boxes from the storage building today.

Yes, I know, it's a little early.

And, truth be told, our Christmas decorating has dwindled in recent years.

But.

If our Christmas wish comes true this year, I intend to deck these halls like my name is Cindy-Lou Who,  the oh so happy happy little girl from Whoville in “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” 

 🎄 🎄 🎄

If you haven't voted yet, go do it!

And Vote Blue!!!