Feeling Blue

Meditation, 1921
John Collier

When I saw this painting this morning at Erica Heller's page on Facebook, it hit me squarely in my heart.

Art is supposed to speak to us.

Some art speaks to some differently than to others.

Some art speaks more loudly, has more impact, for some than for others.

And sometimes it's just the circumstances for one person at one specific moment.

I saw this painting and something inside me moved.

I didn't notice the title, Meditation.

Meditation is not what I got from this.

I saw a woman draped in sadness.

Stopped in motion and unable to stir while her thoughts overtook her.


I rarely admit to having the blues.


I'm one of those people you'll see angry, lashing out at what I find abhorrent, revolting, disgusting, immoral and/or just plain wrong.  When, in fact, it makes me profoundly sad.  But I'd rather allow people see the me that appears strong - ready and able to take on the world.

Don't get me wrong.  I feel ready and able to take on the world in a lot of cases, and if my voice is the only way for me to feel as though I'm contributing something (even if it's only to myself) to change the things that I find wrong, then I will do it as long as I'm able.

Those things - the big things - include problems that I cannot imagine people of morals not wanting to fight.

Corruption in our government.  Destruction of our planet and its inhabitants by poisoning our water and our food - all for profit for a few.  Racism (how can anyone now deny that this is still a problem in this country?).  Hypocrisy in what some people declare as religion.  Homelessness and the brink of homelessness because of pure greed and selfishness in the hands of the smallest percent of our population who handle the wealth and are quite content to see the larger percent struggle.  Struggle to put food on their tables for their families.  Struggle with health care.  Struggle with mortgages, and mounting debt.  Mounting debt not for frivolous things, but for just the daily act of living and getting by. 

Closer to home in my own state I'm angered and saddened by these same problems exacerbated by a governor and cronies who have taken the State of North Carolina and turned it back 50 years in education, conservation, salaries, energy - you name it.

Even closer to home in my own town I'm angered and saddened by these same problems exacerbated by a small group of people who want to own every spare inch of ground so they can flatten another mountain and profit from it.  And by golly, if it means they have to suppress voting rights, then boy howdy - let it begin (actually, it has already begun, and blatantly so).

Reading Facebook last night angered me and made me sad.

What was there?

Lying politicians.  Mud being thrown at people who don't deserve it.  Pictures of people carrying assault rifles into stores and restaurants (why?).  Statistics about proven health issues in areas near fracking sites (which matter not a fig to those who will make big money off this desecration to our land and our environment which we should hold sacred). People shouting about how they believe in pro-life issues but are willing to turn away innocent children at our borders, or allow our own children to live in poverty, missing meals and going to bed hungry.  I call bullshit on all that empty rhetoric.

Let's see, what else was at Facebook?  Oh yeah.  Video of a very big, very strong man punching a woman in the face and knocking her out.  Out cold.  Then dragging her limp body out of an elevator.  Then reading that the NFL was appalled at this.  Uh huh.  What I believe is that they were appalled only after social media got a hold of it and it was seen by millions of outraged people.  Any idea how many pro sports players who have also abused women are still playing the game without losing their "job?"  No, I don't know either, but I'm betting Ray Rice wasn't a one-time thing.

Even more disturbing and disgusting was reading comments written by people who were defending Ray Rice.  "She hit him first."  "It was her fault."  That sort of garbage.  That's not even worthy of conversation.  And for those who wonder why his then fiance, now wife, hasn't left him, let me just say there are deeper issues than most of us who have not lived with domestic abuse know and fully understand.  There is a long process involved in the stealing of someone's dignity and self-confidence before that first punch is thrown.

And I'm sad about things even closer to home.  Right here in my home.

I know I'm not alone when I say I'd rather be sick or hurt myself than see my loved ones sick or hurt.

It's been a tough time for my Donald lately.  He's been suffering from back pain following a fall and undergoing treatment for that.  Then up pops a toothache.  Naturally, on a Friday when our dentist's office is closed (a new dentist - our tried and true dentist, who also happens to be a neighbor and good friend up and retired.  Can you imagine?!  The nerve!).  But, former dentist was kind enough to phone in prescriptions to help Donald make it through the weekend.  But wait - we're far from the end of this tale!

Saturday evening we spent several hours at the Watauga Medical Center Emergency Room for a kidney stone attack Don was suffering through.

Sunday he spent the day either in pain from his tooth, or his kidney or his back.  Or asleep from pain meds.

Monday he called his dentist to get an appointment to see about his tooth only to be told they could see him in three weeks.  I'm not going to go into all this here, 'cause I ranted about it enough at Facebook to exhaust myself and everyone else.  Suffice to say, Mr. Dentist and I had words and we'll be moving to a different dentist.

Former, now retired, dentist got Donald an appointment with an endodontist who squeezed Donald in amongst her other appointments and did enough to help ease the pain with a partial root canal which he'll have completed on Monday.

None of these things Don is experiencing can be helped and when he hurts, I hurt.  And - I would be lying by omission if I didn't say we're also feeling the pinch money wise as well.

So yes, today I am sad.  I admit it.