Ramblings from a tired woman

Some days I'm fine.

Some days I'm not.

But I know one thing for certain - I'm tired of being strong.

Yesterday was a day we had to go into town to a) take the trash because we don't have trash pick-up where we live, b) pick up the mail from our post office box where they're being sweet enough to leave a key in our small box for a much larger box that will accommodate packages, c) pick up groceries curb-side (still no toilet paper).

And get a new phone to replace the phone I lost.

I'm not going to go into all the hassles involved in this transaction other than say it was a pain in the ass, took a very long time, and I was the only person in this place of business wearing a mask.

There were 3 employees and two other customers besides myself. I did, finally, before I left make a comment about how surprised I was that I was the only one there taking the fact that we were living during a pandemic very seriously.

While it's true, right now, that the small rural county we live in is relatively "safe," that is changing.

The young man helping me was very nice, but the whole procedure was still a pain in the ass.

And he wasn't wearing a mask.

And he said, "if my wife found out I was working without my mask, she would kill me."


So. We came home with groceries (when are we going to have toilet paper again?!), the mail included a book I ordered and have been wanting for awhile but was a wee bit reluctant to pay the price, and a new phone.

I don't even like phones.

I resist answering our phone at home - yes we still have a landline because we can't get cell service in our little mountain pocket, and using WiFi via satellite to make calls on our cell phones is a joke.

Anyway.

I have a new phone.

Immediately after finishing this pain in the ass transaction, I dropped it into a bag and I haven't looked at it since.

I'm going to consider, seriously, if I really need a cell phone.

For one thing, losing it has caused me a lot of stress.

Losing it, along with a favorite bracelet I had and wore almost daily for over 50 years has, truly, caused me a great deal of anxiety.

Not the loss of the "things" as much as the fact that I lost them.

I'm not a person who loses things.

Like I said - the bracelet was with me for over 50 years. And yes, I loved it probably more than I should have.

And now it's gone.

And I miss it.

The phone? Pfftt. I do not care one whit about a phone.

But the fact that I lost it? I care about that.

And so here's the thing.

My memory is not what it was.

And I have no choice but to face that fact.

Memory loss is part of the aging process.

As is the loss of flexibility and balance.

At age 71, I think I finally have to admit that I am no longer a spring chicken.

My hair is gray, I have wrinkles, I'm carrying more pounds than I once did, and I can't hear thunder.

No longer a spring chicken.

<sigh>


And if you've lost a parent who suffered from dementia, forgetting things and losing things becomes a little scarier.

However.

Surprisingly.

None of that bothers me as much as it might. Aging isn't one of the things that causes me the most worry.

Aging, is, after all, a natural process.

Normal.


What bothers me MUCH more and what really and truly makes me exhausted is the world as it is today.

Pandemic. Who thought the world would close due to a pandemic?

That's the things of novels, isn't it?

A thing of the far past.

ha.

No, it's a truth.

And having leaders who don't believe in science, but surely do believe in money, is making it worse.


People are protesting wearing masks and refusing to stay at home. I'm sorry, but this is nothing less than stupidity. And pure meanness. Evil.

Those "protestors" with guns?! What the hell is THAT? Those people are terrorists, not protestors. Call them what they are.

And all the mean stupidity trickles down from the top.

The clown in the white house - another thing that exhausts me. The man is not normal.


All that said, today I'm not going to give two thoughts to being strong.

Or to much of anything else.

I'm going to read my new book "The Gargoyles of Notre Dame" by Michael Camille

And tonight I'm going to watch Michelle and Barack Obama as they give the Class of 2020 Commencement Address.

Lord, I do miss the Obamas, their intelligence, their grace, their honesty and their humor.

I miss a lot of things.

Besides my mind, and the Obamas, I mostly miss my pretty bracelet.

Y'all. Seriously? Mostly I'm fine. I'm just rambling about my feelings and observations. I don't want or expect a lot of sympathetic notes. We're all feeling the pressures of our times. We're all handling it. Some days better than others. Times are strange. Normal is different. Not being able to find toilet paper is a very odd "normal."

Hang in there.

Take care of yourselves.

And join me in watching Barack and Michelle Obama this evening. They'll have words of wisdom and words of comfort and it will drive the clown in the white house nuts.


xxoo